Being a 20 something

This weekend, I was in one of those lazy moods that Librans tend to slip into when they are excessively bored of life. I don’t mean to sound negative…But, face the fact!! my life has no spice…At 20 something, I am a complete mess…

People have a “being 30” syndrome, a middle age crisis, and an old age problem…but have you heard of any one who speaks of the ebbs and tides of being at 20 something…Ok..meet ME!!!

Having cut 20 odd birthday cakes, having blown several candles on each birthday and having accepted many a worthless gift with an artificial smile and cliché statement “O! so wonderful!! Just what I wanted.”, even when I knew that it was the last thing I had dreamt of receiving on my birthday, has not made me any happier.

Like any other youthful twentian (a word coined by moi), I dreamt to own a palatial house, drive snazzy cars, eat the best of food, have the best clothes to drape myself elegantly and expensively, have a job that pays me well or even better own a company or two, have a handsome hunk by my side…And I thought that was the life I wanted….And so day and night I lived in this utopia, not in the least doubting that life could not be a fairy tale.

At twenty years, I suddenly don’t like certain things about myself. I feel I need a change in attitude, a change in basic mind set, a change in my habitat. I could also do with a bit of touch up with my nose and chin, silky- straight hair would be fine. On the whole may be I should go in for cosmetic surgery. And my mind was playing throwball. I was never so confused in my life. One minute I want this and the other minute I would be wishing I had made the other choice. I do even stupid things like laugh and cry at the same time. I just realized that some people who I had placed in the category of close friends didn’t fit in any more. Have I changed or have they…It’s not like it’s anyones’s fault but we just don’t connect anymore. I have distanced my friends and cousins unintentionally. It’s like drawing a circle and defining a zone around me which no one can enter without my permission.

I consider myself acutely bad in making impactful first impressions. It always happens that I meet this really handsome hunk on my bad hair day. So, BANG goes the first impression…And the worst part, I get compliments for my hair on the day I fix an appointment with the beauty salon for a hair cut. Things that I buy as exquisite designer stuff go on sale the next day…I mean can life get any weirder???

To keep my head cool which was throbbing under all this pressure I decide to take a vacation. I considered a place in the lap of nature for my vacation, which would envelope me and all my troubles in it’s loving arms and cradle me like a baby. I parallelly thought of an adventurous holiday, where I could go trekking, mountain climbing, para gliding and satiate the exploratory streak in me with all the adrenaline shooting sports. Yah! 20 points for guessing the answer…I couldn’t decide where to go. I wanted to go to chill off, and be alone with my musings…You guessed it right again..Got a resounding scolding from mom saying I was not to leave the house alone…Poof!! Goes my holiday… I’m under the constant vigilance of my mom…Hey!! I know she cares for me and all that…and I know that I love her, she loves me, she-scolds-me-for-my-good kinda shit…But, mom I’m not going to get these days of my life back….I might get to do them when I’m older, maybe being a 30 something….but it’s not as much fun when you do it as a 20 something.

At 20 plus, I guess biologically some hormone is secreted in excess which drives you into a crazy frenzy…I have these fits of sulkiness which repels people away, I don’t remember myself being moody before. Infact, I always was that pleasant girl who was welcome everywhere. I doubt if I’m welcome even now.


Let’s look at my job…Okk..Let’s not look at it…It’s not even remotely what I wanted to do. All I do is sit glued to the chair all day hunting for damn bugs raised by a fat brained fellow who didn’t have enough grey matter to look into it himself…Well that was a candid description of my work. And the love of my life, is something that is beyond definition, maybe the first time I’m at loss of words. I have people around me who care, but what do I want in my partner is still hazy. But, if I delay this anymore I’ll soon be saying “I do” to some stranger who according to my mom is a suitable match for me…Sounds scary!! But, what if I don’t make the right choice…God!!! I’m confused….

I have these sudden spells of enthusiasm of working late night without blinking an eye, trying to make the most of my dull job. There are spells when I’m really active and go around doing my chores briskly and efficiently and some other times I find it comforting to lie on the couch all day and think of nothing in particular, just sit like a cow chewing cud and ruminating over my outlandish thoughts.

I know that I have written this also in a fit of passion and I will definitely wonder as to why I posted this, just immediately after putting this on my blog. So, before u can say supercalifactionlisticexpiadidotious I take your leave.